Originally published on Medium, this satirical blog has struck a chord with readers who work hard and pay taxes, only to find their contributions funding an entire ecosystem of comfort, convenience, and carefree living. From government-sponsored marriages to free funerals, meet a man who’s turned “not working” into a full-time, fully funded lifestyle. Read on… laughter (and a bit of heartbreak) guaranteed.
Warning: Read till the end… laughs guaranteed! 😄
Some stories inspire, some educate, and then there’s this one — a masterclass in ‘strategic unemployment’, live from the headquarters of desi wisdom: a village paan shop.
🧍♂️Meet the Hero: A 35-Year-Old Jobless Wizard
At the corner paan shop, stood a 35-year-old man — not in a rush, not stressed, calmly chewing gutkha and sipping country liquor like it’s a full-time job. I dared to ask:
“Why don’t you work or earn something, man?”
He shot back with the confidence of a retired billionaire:
“My wish!” 😎
💍Married?
Surely no one married this guy? So I asked:
“Are you married?”
“Yes 😊”
“HOW?”
And then he opened the Pandora’s Box of Indian Government Schemes:
- Got ₹30,000 under the Chief Minister’s Ideal Marriage Scheme (via labour card)
- Received ₹2,50,000 under the Inter-caste Marriage Scheme
That’s ₹2.8 lakh for getting married — we, on the other hand, just got lifetime EMIs. 😵
👶 What About Kids?
“Delivery? Covered under the Janani Suraksha Yojana — free maternity care plus ₹1,500.”
“Also got ₹20,000 from the Bhagini Prasuti Scheme using my labour card.”
He had kids… and made money from it. This guy didn’t start a family — he launched a government-funded startup.
📚 And their education?
“Everything’s free — books, uniforms, food.”
“Also, we get money every year from Naunihal Scheme and Merit Scholarship Yojana.”
“Once they’re in college, we get free admission and scholarship, thanks to our BPL status.”
Meanwhile, we’re paying school fees, coaching fees, and donating blood for uniforms. 😩
🏠 How do you run the household?
“My daughter got a free bicycle, son got a laptop.”
“Parents get old-age pension.”
“And we buy 1-rupee-per-kilo rice for the entire month.”
I mean… what’s left to pay for? Even my Netflix account costs more than his grocery bill.
🛕 What about taking your parents on pilgrimage?
“Done! Sent them through the Chief Minister’s Pilgrimage Scheme.”
VIP Darshan included. God bless the government!
🏥 Medical expenses?
“Ayushman card, bhai! ₹5 lakh free treatment.”
“Kidney? Covered. Liver? Covered. Brain? Don’t need it — the government has mine!” 😂
🔥 Funeral costs?
“Only ₹1 for electric cremation. No stress in life… or death.”
This guy has a plan — right from birth certificates to death certificates, all government approved.
💒 Will you earn to fund your kids’ weddings at least?
He smiled (the kind that says “you sweet summer child…”)
“Why would I? Their marriages will happen just like mine — courtesy of government schemes.”
🎯 And his final mic-drop moment:
“You people work, earn, pay taxes… that’s your job. Ours is to enjoy the benefits.”
“Farmers grow food, the government buys it, and gives it to us for free.”
“So tell me… why should I work?”
And I swear, if sarcasm were a job — this guy would be CEO with pension benefits.
🗾 Then Why is Japan Ahead of Us?
Maybe because in Japan, people don’t have a “free-scheme-for-everything” survival kit.
Long live the Labour Card, long live the Welfare Schemes, long live our Great Indian Jugaad!
Vande Mataram! 🙏
Enjoyed the Read? Spread the Laughs!
If this satirical take made you chuckle (or cry inside), don’t keep it to yourself.
👉 Share it with your WhatsApp groups, family, or that one friend who’s paying full taxes.
👉 Leave a comment below – I’d love to hear your thoughts (and jokes).
